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Hug me tight: l met a man who was in the same kind of relationship with his ex. They lived in the same house but didnt share a bed or room. They were in the same house together for their child.
He lived there for 6 months before he finally moved out and got his own place. We met and we were together from that day on but l am sad to say it never worked out. lt had nothing to do with the fact that he lived with his ex. We dated for a year and it was all good.
Mine worked out to be what he said it was and l trusted in him and that what he was telling me was true.
The only problem l had well he was living there was l could never call him because he didnt want my number on the phone and didnt want his ex to know he was dating someone. He thought that if she knew he was dating me it would do nothing but cause problems for him living there, so we kept it a secret and he would call me when he wanted to reach me. We didnt spend alot of time during that six month span but we talked online and he called at least once a day to check in.
All l can say is take the chance if you truly believe that he is separated and only liing there for the sake of his kids...ya never know he might just be that person.....

good luck and hope all your wishes and dreams come true.....

I don't know Canadian_Angel...
he's been asking me out for years..it just bothers me...i think he's waiting to be thrown out of the house rather than leave..????? he says they haven't slept together for 10 years....it's just a feeling i have that he's not leaving on his own.....
she apparently drinks, and when she's been drinking she tells him to get a life, get a woman..in front of the kids...i just don't know what to do
I've always cared for him..he's always been a good friend, i don't think i'm ready to cross the line

ok..i'm not going to do it...
i think he needs to grow up too and maybe make some sort of move, or encourage her to leave, as she supposedly has a man... i know if she throws him out he'll be on my doorstep..and i'm not comfortable with that as his kids don't want to stay with their mother...and my kids have not had any man live with us since their father left 11 years ago...
this is really hard..live in a small town and our kids go to school together, and both our youngest kids are in fact friends...
Thanks for listening to me straighten things out in my head

l agree only you know what you want and how this should go...if it doesnt feel right then you have made your decision. Life at times throws things at us real hard and we have to make a rational decision and it would seem to me that you already knew the answer before you asked....
yes things do seem strange to me too. A man who stays in a house for that many years and doesnt leave...l would be wondering, does he still care for her and just tells you he doesnt. Does he really sleep in another room, no sexual contact at all....l dont know....
All l know is you have to listen to your heart and if you do, the answers will come and they will come easily....sounds like you may have made a good decision and if and when he is ready he will leave the house and then let him be on his own for awhile, be friends and see what happens...he has to learn to be on his own and run his own life before he can be in someone elses....

If you have known him that long then you know the score. He is either a great liar or he is being really honest with you.

"I have issues with dating him."

Trust your instincts. If it does not feel right, don't do it.

There are divorced parents that live in the same house for the sake of their child(ren). Know a couple that did that after their oldest son was almost killed on a hit and run. Their son suffered brain damage and with both of them in the same house, it helps.

The man sleeps and has his area in the basement. She has the third floor with the son. The main floor is the eating, socializing, and TV area.

If it does not feel comfortable or alright with you, Hug me, trust your instincts and feelings.

Hug_Me_Tighter,
I agree with the above to trust your instincts. Your gut has spoken, thank goodness you have listened or you could be waking up to a whole lot of trouble.

People who are eager to get into another relationship without truly finishing with the last and not bothering to take time to heal or find out who they are on their own are bad news waiting to happen for so many reasons it is tough to even know where to start. Trust that when we are truly available and seek truly available people for love interests, things will be less complicated, confusing and conflicting.

If he is truly a good friend he wouldn't put you or your and his children in such an awkward position in the first place. If you can't walk up to his door, ring the bell and say hi honey, and sit down to dinner or help cook the dinner, it is a go no where proposition destined to be filled with pain. I don't understand why people willingly and knowingly sign up for that. Keep a clear head and don't be manipulated. I know there are strong words said so far in these posts, but better to hear and really listen now than be kicking yourself later.

Beware, he may just want a safe, convenient place to land when things finally blow up at home as they are destined to do in such a situation. But deep down I believe you already know this. Take care of, trust and honour yourself.

Trust your instincts Hug me... you are a smart lady. If it does not feel right, it isn't.

nope


geo

thanks
i've made it clear to him that as long as they live together we are ONLY friends. He doesn't like it much, but i'm sticking to it.
Thanks again everyone..for making me realize to trust myself..life's messy to begin with--why invite more


((hug))

Hello NO!! Sounds like to me that he is still with that other person and that is why he wants to keep it still a secret because if they still lived together and were not really apart then he wouldn't have a problem with the other knowing about you in my opinion.

I dated a few times a guy in the military who claimed he was seperated but still living with his wife and children out of guilt for his children. I said Pffft BS! And that was that!

Sounds like your situation has major red flags. Get out while you can!!

First of all-is this bozo still married to his wife--second why secrets - third no his kids would make you life a living hell - their mother place your taking. And he is not just their father --I MEAN HE IS THEIR F A T H E R. Desides if he want you tell him to show up for you.
Sorry but you are a beautiful girl and deserve better start telling you self that.

thank you linsamrai...in my heart i know all that you mentioned..and i've told him that too..but he just doesn't quit trying..so i've told him i can't maintain a friendship with him either...he's on his own...i just feel like he's playing me..and those games are too hard emotionally to play...
oh, and thanks for calling me a girl...made me smile

You just keep right on smiling, girl. You will have lots more to smile about now that you are 'free' to look up and around and see some new wonderful, available man who is smiling back at you. Just take a breath or two to heal from the games. Thanks for sharing your struggle, your pain and finally the triumph (though it may not feel like it yet) of choosing healthy boundaries for yourself and your children. You Rock. Proud of you.